Vanessa Reiser is a survivor of a specific type of abuse, Narcissistic Domestic Abuse. She will wear a wedding dress for a 285-mile entire one-woman run to symbolize the silent victims who fall prey to this at the hands of their partners. The NYC Narcissistic Abuse Run’s mission is to help bring light to this lesser-known form of abuse.
Vanessa, a clinical therapist, will begin her journey in Oswego, NY and plans to complete her run 12 days later, arriving at Jay Hood park, New York City.
“People tend to think of a narcissist as someone who has an inflated ego. However, there is trauma that is caused by narcissistic abuse and runs deeper than most realize,” says Reiser, a licensed psychotherapist in New York, New Jersey and Massachusetts that specializes in narcissistic abuse and domestic violence. Her experience has led her to begin her non-profit Tell A Therapist that is dedicated to connecting people nationwide with empathetic clinicians in their area that specialize in narcissistic abuse and narcissism recovery.
Studies show that domestic violence calls to police and shelters in the U.S. have risen between 6% and 21% (variation depending on data source) since the start of the pandemic, with the largest increase happening the first five weeks of quarantine. Calls to shelters and hotlines have also increased. Google searches for information about domestic violence hotlines have also gone up, with spikes last April, a time when most of the U.S. was under stay-at-home orders. Some centers are reporting an increase of 70% in calls to the centers in New York.
“What I want the world to know is that narcissism is not about selfies. As a psychotherapist, I know the clinical criteria someone has to meet to be diagnosed as a narcissist, but I did not know the true meaning of what narcissistic abuse was and what it was like for the victims who lived with it, until I started to research. I am now part of a tribe; a group of special superheroes who have survived it. The damage that true narcissists cause is so tremendous; the daily circular conversations, the gaslighting, the lack of empathy, the controlling behaviors, the isolation, manipulation, insatiable attention-seeking, addictive behaviors, anxiousness, entitled thinking, love-bombing, future-faking, lying, cheating, devaluing, and silent treatment are continuous and demented.”
Vanessa also has a goal to raise $200,000 through her run and will donate all proceeds to Domestic Violence Centers in each County she runs through. For a map of Vanessa’s 285-mile route, visit https://www.mapmyrun.com/routes/view/4192459672. For more information on narcissistic abuse and how to support Vanessa’ run, please visit www.tellatherapist.org.
Vanessa’s run goes through the following New York State counties:
- Oswego County
- Onondaga County
- Madison County
- Otsego County
- Delaware County
- Sullivan County
- Orange County
- New York County (Manhattan)
VANESSA’S STORY
When Vanessa was first told, by one of her ex’s first victims, that this person was a “narcissist,” She had no idea what this meant, even though she knew her abuser was deeply flawed. As a psychotherapist, Vanessa knew the clinical criteria someone has to meet to be diagnosed as a narcissist but she did not know the true meaning of what narcissistic abuse was, and what it was like for the victims who lived with it, until she lived with one. Vanessa was now part of a tribe; a group of special superheroes who have survived it. The damage that true narcissists cause is so tremendous; the daily circular conversations, the gaslighting, the lack of empathy, the controlling behaviors, the isolation, manipulation, insatiable attention-seeking, addictive behaviors, anxiousness, entitled thinking, love-bombing, future-faking, lying, cheating, devaluing, and silent treatment are continuous and demented. Vanessa had become used to this bad behavior but when the final straw was in 2019 when left her stranded in Provincetown, Cape Cod and she had to take a rental car all the way home and just to see she was padlocked out of the house. She knew he was demented when he began to threaten Vanessa’s social work license and actively tried to get her kicked off the board of The Center for Safety and Change. Vanessa stayed because of the fake tears and love bombing, but after a few more months, she left him for good on March 25, 2020. It was ugly; he spit on her, called her a fat whore, told her her father (who died when Vanessa was 18; she’s now 47) was a loser and bleached her clothes in the driveway as she was trying to flee the home with the help of a friend. He, subsequently, threatened her social work license, wrote a letter to the Center for Safety and Change, the local domestic violence center where Vanessa sits on the board, trying to get her kicked off claiming HE was the victim of domestic violence!
Vanessa filed a restraining order in April 2020 and he went and got one the DAY AFTER. On 11/28/2020, a man slashed her tires behind the apple store whilst she was sitting in her car, she had suspicion it was him and then the next day, he coincidently went to the police and tried to file a complaint against me for some supposed incident that occurred in July (6 months prior).
Vanessa was so afraid at first but she knew the only way out was to come into her power; her self-love.
Narcissism is a popular buzzword that is used incorrectly when people are taking selfies or behaving selfishly. Narcissistic people engage in WAY more serious form of chronic manipulation and devaluation of their victims, leaving victims feeling worthless, confused, inadequate, depressed, anxious and even suicidal. Vanessa shook for 9 days after she left her abuser and the data tells us that it is similar to coming off of a drug. This is the trauma bond. The narcissist is a “One Trick Pony” that always repeats the same interactions around the same issues and does it in the same places with the same story on repeat and you might even wonder if there is a “playbook” somewhere that they all learn from.
This experience made Vanessa realize that this was something she needed to make part of her work as a clinician. It is her mission to bring awareness around this issue. She strongly supports all victims and never blames. If someone as strong and as smart as her can become a victim of this Stockholm Syndrome, it can truly affect anyone. Even though she got her MSW from USC, being with this toxic partner would be the most important thing Vanessa could’ve ever learned; her rebirth. This has translated into a new mission for her. She does this for all of the victims of domestic violence.
